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Some people are natural conversationalists. I’m not one of them.
Like many people, I’ve always felt awkward in conversation. That’s especially hard as an entrepreneur, where talking to people is half the job. Good conversations can drive our businesses and relationships. We like to buy from, work with, and collaborate with people who are easy to talk to.
That’s why I spent the past two decades studying the patterns of master conversationalists for my latest book, Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count. I learned that people who come off as instantly likable use certain phrases over and over again to build rapport. Now I’m passing those phrases along so that you can use them in team meetings, investor calls, and client sessions to make your small talk infinitely better.
The phrases involve compliments and moments of connection, so only use them if they feel authentic. Never fake it. Here are five to try.
1. ‘I was just thinking about you!’
Everyone likes to be remembered. So telling someone, “I was just thinking of you!” immediately sparks connection. For example, I wanted to check in with a certain VIP but wasn’t sure how. She had been on my mind, so I just reached out and told her exactly that. Here’s what I sent:
→ Subject: I was just thinking about you! I stopped by the pier this weekend and stumbled upon the national skimboarding competition! Of course, it made me think of you. Did you ever end up designing your own board? I took a video of the winning skim, attached. Incredible, right?
She immediately wrote back raving about the video I sent and attached a picture of the skimboard she had designed. It triggered a request for a catch-up call, then a taco breakfast, and then an invite to speak at her company’s corporate retreat.
This is a powerful phrase you can use absolutely anywhere. For example:
→ If someone pops into your head, text them: “Hey! I was just thinking of you and wanted to check in. Anything new and exciting?”
→ If you see something that reminds you of someone in your life, share it with them and say, “I just saw this amazing [blank], and it made me think of you!”
→ If you need to reach out to someone, say, “Long time no talk. Someone recently mentioned a [blank], and, of course, I thought of you.”
These are casual, immediately put someone at ease by reminding them they are top of mind, and make them feel good. Magic.
2. ‘Tell me more!’
The research is clear: Asking people questions, especially follow-up questions, makes you more likable. It shows that you’re engaged, responsive, and genuinely interested.
And here’s the simplest follow-up of all: Just say, “Tell me more!”
For example, I once visited the emergency room for very bad food poisoning. (I was fine, but I’ll never eat scallops again.) My nurse seemed grumpy, but I was very grateful for her help and wanted her to feel appreciated. I noticed a little pin above her name badge, so I asked, “Is that a pin for Mellow Velo? I just walked by there last week. It’s a bike spot, right?”
She brightened. “Yes! I’m an avid biker and I’m helping them organize a big bike ride for families.” I was tired and wasn’t sure what to say next. I also don’t know how to ride a bike (true, and embarrassing). So I just said, “Tell me more!”
Then off she went, telling me about their great local initiatives. She spent far longer in my room and stopped by frequently to check on me (once with a warm blanket!).
Here’s an advanced way to use this question. Let’s say someone is mid-story at a networking event or group dinner, and they get interrupted. The waiter arrives, someone asks for the salt, and the conversation shifts. The person might never get to finish their story — unless you say, “You were saying something so interesting. Please tell me more!” They’ll love you forever.
3. ‘Last time we were talking, you mentioned…’
Want to become effortlessly likable with someone you’ve met before? Just say: “Last time we were talking, you mentioned…” paired with something that lit them up the last time you talked.
For example, you could say: “Last time we spoke, you mentioned you were going to Greece on vacation. How was that?” Or ask about the big project they mentioned, or a show you both love.
This packs a powerful emotional punch. It shows that you pay attention, have a good memory, and consider them worthy of being memorable.
In fact, this is how Earvin “Magic” Johnson first impressed the woman who became his wife, Cookie. They attended a Michigan State University party. Shortly after, Magic showed up at her dorm room with a carefully selected surprise — yellow roses, because she had mentioned she likes yellow. It was, she said, the “sweetest thing any guy who’d ever showed romantic interest in me had done.”
4. ‘Same here!’
Research consistently shows: We like people who are like us. We’re more likely to start conversations online with people whose profiles show shared interests. Teams collaborate better when members have shared interests. And we’re even more likely to be persuaded by someone we can relate to.
This is why, at the start of a negotiation or meeting, it can be valuable to highlight mutual likes — to make someone say, “Same here!” The common ground can be as simple as your age, hometown, or background.
I discovered this myself in 2025, when I got an unexpected email from Khloé Kardashian’s team. They said she’s a fan of my work(!) and wanted me on her podcast. I’d never met someone so famous, and I was terrified of the small talk we’d have before the interview. So I made a list of things we have in common to spark “same here!” moments — like how we both attended all-girls schools and we both have two kids. I told her these when we met, and it was like activating instant bestie mode. Suddenly, everything flowed. When our recording was done, she told me, “I didn’t want that to end.”
That’s the power of “same here!” energy. It isn’t just chemistry. It’s psychology.
5. ‘You’re so…!’
What makes someone instantly likable? You might think it’s charm or cleverness. But often, it’s this: making others feel valued.
In every conversation, people are quietly wondering, Am I being boring? Am I doing well? Do they like me? Your job is to answer those questions before they’re asked. Humans love to be validated for who they are, not just what they do. Frequently. Don’t assume you’ve said it before, or that someone knows how valued they are. We can almost never receive too much validation if it’s genuine.
Doing so is simple. If you appreciate something about someone, tell them! Just say: “You’re so…” then you can highlight their humor, charisma, or even punctuality.
In fact, this is how legendary fashion designer Cristóbal Balenciaga got his start. He grew up poor and shy in a small Basque fishing village. Every Sunday, he’d catch glimpses of the town’s fashionable Marquesa de Casa Torres descending the church steps in her couture. One morning, unable to contain himself, he exclaimed: “How elegant you are!” (In other words: You’re so elegant.)
That stopped her in her tracks. She asked Balenciaga about his eye for fashion and discovered his love for style. A few days later, she handed him the dress he had admired so much and asked him to copy it. He did. A career was born.
Positive labels help people see themselves in a new light. And when you give someone a label they want to embody, they often rise to it. NOW I CHALLENGE YOU: Use one of these five phrases in your next conversation. And watch how quickly your connection with them improves.
From CONVERSATION: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count by Vanessa Van Edwards, published on October 6, 2026, by Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. ©2026 by Vanessa Van Edwards
Some people are natural conversationalists. I’m not one of them.
Like many people, I’ve always felt awkward in conversation. That’s especially hard as an entrepreneur, where talking to people is half the job. Good conversations can drive our businesses and relationships. We like to buy from, work with, and collaborate with people who are easy to talk to.
That’s why I spent the past two decades studying the patterns of master conversationalists for my latest book, Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count. I learned that people who come off as instantly likable use certain phrases over and over again to build rapport. Now I’m passing those phrases along so that you can use them in team meetings, investor calls, and client sessions to make your small talk infinitely better.
