Billie Eilish Says She Went Through ‘Really Dark Times’ In Her Past Tours

Billie Eilish has admitted that she had some “dark times” during her previous tours, noting that she felt “lonely.”

However, as the singer prepares for her first tour without her family members tagging along, she intends to make it an “enjoyable” experience.

Asides from focusing on her tour, Billie Eilish also revealed that she will no longer discuss her sexuality after feeling pressured to “come out” last year.

During a chat with Vogue Magazine, Eilish’s mom, Maggie Baird, talked about her upcoming “Hit Me Hard And Soft” tour, noting that it would be the first outing where the singer would not have family tag along for all the dates.

Baird quipped, “It’s sort of our ‘going off to college year,’ I guess,” implying that she’s sending off her daughter to be on her own.

Both Eilsh’s mom and dad would not be present for the tour, and while her brother, Finneas O’Connell, would join her on specific dates, he would be busy promoting his solo album, “For Cryin’ Out Loud.”

Reflecting on her past touring experiences, Eilish admitted she has gone through “really dark times,” often feeling like she was living as if everything was “temporary.”

While she acknowledges that touring still has its challenges, the singer is determined to make it a more “enjoyable” experience, having realized how lonely she had been for years.

“I didn’t realize that I could make touring enjoyable,” Eilish told Vogue. “I just was very lonely for many years, and I’m not interested in that anymore. I want to enjoy the show as well as my days.”

During an episode of Spotify’s vodcast “Countdown To,” Eilish talked about spending time apart from her brother Finneas as he focuses on his own projects.

The singer noted that it’s “hard” for her but a relief.

“I feel like I spend all of my time on tour and in rehearsals like ‘Oh my God, Finneas wants to leave’ or ‘Finneas is unhappy.’ I just look up to you so much and want you to have the best time,” Eilish said, per People Magazine.

Finneas has also hinted at his plans to prop his sister up to become her own artist, without his influence as a producer.

In an interview with Guitar.com, he said, “I’ve been setting up Billie’s recording studio for her so she can do home production without me because she’s very good at it!”

Finneas added, “And it’s funny, I’ve been giving her, like, the bare minimum of stuff, just so that she learns it all.”

In her Vogue interview, Eilish made it clear that she no longer intends to discuss her sexuality, following her experience of feeling pressured to “come out” as queer last year.

She first opened up about her sexual orientation during a chat with Variety, where she mentioned being “physically attracted” to women.

At the time, she admitted she thought her feelings were already apparent and was surprised by the public’s reaction.

However, the 22-year-old chart-topper now shared her regret over being so candid, stating that from this point forward, she plans to keep her personal life, including her sexuality and relationships, private.

Eilish also commented on the overwhelming scrutiny surrounding her personal life, expressing that it feels “unnatural” compared to the privacy most people her age enjoy.

While speaking openly about her frustration, she said, “I wish no one knew anything about my sexuality or anything about my dating life. Ever, ever, ever. And I hope that they never will again.”

Reinforcing her stance, Eilish added, “I’m never talking about my sexuality ever again. And I’m never talking about who I’m dating ever again.”

In April, Eilish stirred up some controversy with her remarks about sex in an interview with Rolling Stone.

The singer shocked many when she revealed that self-pleasure makes her feel more comfortable and helps her “decompress.”

“Sex,” she told the publication after being asked about how she relaxes. “I basically talk about sex any time I possibly can. That’s literally my favorite topic. My experience as a woman has been that it’s seen in such a weird way. People are so uncomfortable talking about it and weirded out when women are very comfortable in their sexuality and communicative in it.”

Reflecting on her experiences, Eilish added, “I think it’s such a frowned-upon thing to talk about, and I think that should change. You asked me what I do to decompress. That sh-t can save you sometimes, just saying. Can’t recommend it more, to be real.”

The “Ocean Eyes” hitmaker acknowledged how she often “underestimates” how much her words will be “blown up” by the media, noting that while others her age can explore their identity and make mistakes privately, she doesn’t have that luxury as a global figure.

Touching on this challenge, she described it as “unnatural,” saying, “We’re all babies. We’re all little kids growing up and learning ourselves.”

Reflecting on the moment she accidentally revealed her sexuality, Eilish shared that she’s not particularly fond of the concept of “coming out.” She said, ‘I’m just like, why can’t we just exist?”

The singer added, “I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I just didn’t talk about it… whoops. I saw all the articles [and] was like, “Oh, I guess I came out today… OK, cool.”

Despite feeling a bit anxious discussing it, she remarked, “It’s exciting to me because I guess people didn’t know, so it’s cool that they know. I’m nervous talking about it… but I am for the girls.”