[MUSIC PLAYING] [TICKING] A friend of mine who was formerly incarcerated expressed in a written piece that prison was the best thing to ever happen to him. Now, obviously, this is his own personal opinion and feelings. But his opinion made me think of my own incarceration. His words in the piece made me think: Was prison the best thing that ever happened to me? And I would have to say, emphatically, no. To me, this prison. And then there’s time. Prison is a dark, cold and unforgiving place, controlled by powers that want to break you mentally, spiritually and physically. Time, on the other hand, is your friend, controlled by no one, there for you to do within it as you please. It’s the space within a place, any place. And for 25 years, prison was the place where time, for me, held space. I want to express to you what time allowed for me to do and what prison tried to take away from me. Time gave me the opportunity to receive my G.E.D. Despite this great opportunity, prison made it hard for me to get out of my cell each day for class. How I’d have to yell and scream each day for officers to let me out. Officials would create bogus disciplinary tickets for some prisoners in order to keep them locked in their cells, causing them to miss classes and obviously fail the course. It was a constant struggle at times to think about an upcoming test when you’re thinking about whether or not another prisoner is going to slash you over the phone time or whether or not a correctional officer is just going to jump you for the [expletive] of it. But through it all, my determination and patience over time allowed me to achieve my G.E.D. Time allowed me to build a stronger relationship with my mother. I was a hardheaded kid, always in trouble, constantly worrying her every time I stepped out of the house. We cried together on a visit floor when I confessed to her about the crime I was convicted of. Prison tried to keep us apart by sending me six, seven hours away, charge my mother astronomical phone prices with just us having to communicate to one another. Time brought us closer, giving me a greater appreciation of my mother and everything she did in trying to give my siblings and I a better life. Time also allowed me to discover my gift of writing. Prison officials knew the power behind reading material, the pen and the pad. And so it was a constant battle to maintain these materials. When your cell was searched by a correctional officer, a lot of times your books and writing material would be taken or destroyed. Time also allowed for me to read literature on conflict resolutions, how to de-escalate rather than escalate a situation. Time gave me the opportunity to reflect on my life and how I was living. Time allowed for all these things to help break down the facsimile of the man I thought I was supposed to be and rebuild myself into the man I was always meant to be. Time allowed for me to feel remorse for the life I took. Time allowed me to realize that I couldn’t make up for what I did. But I could definitely make a difference in the lives of those on the same negative path I was on with the hope and possibility to reach out to the youth and help them to be able to love themselves, life and others in the way I now love myself, life and others. Prison doesn’t promote change. They don’t want an individual to make changes in his life that would make him a productive member of society if released. No, they want you to be that animal that they systematically bred you to be: a beast with no hope of freedom or change, spending the rest of your life behind bars, ensuring prison officials a guaranteed paycheck. We’ve been systematically brainwashed as Black people to believe that we don’t have time. And so we live that way. But I’m here to tell you that you do have time. It exists for us all. This dispatch on prison and time was written with the youth in mind. I want young people to know that once you realize time is your friend, you’ll begin to make decisions in those pivotal moments of your life that reflect your respect for your friend, your life and the life of others. Time gave me the hope that prison tried to take away from me. It wasn’t prison that saved me. I am the man I am today in spite of prison. It was time that saved me. I finally took advantage of my time. Peace. [TICKING]
