We tend to imagine the holiday season as universally joyful and social, full of family gatherings, sparkling lights and shared traditions. But people’s experiences at this time of year are far from uniform, and stepping outside the usual norms can come with its own perks.
In a recent survey of more than 300 adults in the UK by our Solitude Lab, most respondents said they would still spend Christmas with family this year – either in larger gatherings or smaller households with partners and children. But social time, even positive time with loved ones, can be demanding. Gift buying, travel, disruptions to normal routines, hosting or simply the general sensory rush of the holiday season can all build up and drain us. When asked which feelings they associate with the season, people most often chose words related to love and togetherness, but a large proportion of people in our survey also chose calm and relaxation. This suggests people expect both connection and rest. Brief moments of solitude can help balance it all out.
Research from our lab shows that around 15 minutes of alone time can bring down heightened emotions. In several lab experiments, we consistently observed drops in strong emotions like excitement or frustration after people had spent just 15 to 30 minutes alone. In those studies, participants were often asked to spend the time browsing on their phone, reading or simply sitting with their thoughts. We also found physiological evidence that solitude helps the body come down from stress more quickly. That makes it a useful counterbalance during weeks when stimulation runs high.
These small pockets of time don’t need to be dramatic. A quiet cup of tea before everyone wakes up or a short solo errand can create space to breathe, reset and steady yourself before rejoining the group. Solitude in this case isn’t avoidance, but instead a way to regulate.
Not everyone spends the holidays surrounded by people, though. In our survey, about 9 per cent of adults said they expect to spend Christmas day on their own. Many participants in this solo Christmas group associated the holidays with calm and rest, and joy and happiness still appeared in their responses. Loneliness and boredom were mentioned less often – more commonly by older adults, often because they spent Christmas alone due to circumstances out of their control.
Choice is a big factor in shaping the experience of solitude, and it can take different forms. Social norms – especially after the covid-19 pandemic – have shifted towards spending time alone. More people now embrace it rather than fear it, and our mindset plays a large part in how solitude feels.
Having options for how we spend time alone helps, too. Solitude lends itself to introspective activities like looking back on positive moments from the past year or low-key activities such as taking a walk through a local park. Being out of the house for solitude can also create chances for small chats with strangers – moments that can lift your mood and strengthen your sense of belonging over the holiday, a benefit that is often underestimated. And while physical solitude means being on your own, it doesn’t mean you are cut off. Reaching out to someone, writing a card or simply keeping others in mind can remind us of connections we have built, making solitary time feel more enriching.
Whether your Christmas season is spent with others or alone, solitude offers a simple resource: a brief space to settle yourself, reflect and approach the holidays with a bit more ease. It isn’t about choosing isolation over connection, but about allowing both to have their place during a season that often asks a lot of us.
Thuy-vy Nguyen is the principal investigator of the Solitude Lab and and co-author of Solitude: The science and power of being alone
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